pixenomorphy #4

Tonight's gonna hurt.

Just Zeroes and Ones

Before taking a look at my dark and overly dramatic future vision, let's just say that I was a real jerk today.

You see, I'm one of those guys who couldn't live for 5 minutes without music in their ears. We listen to our players at every chance we've got: walking on the street, standing on the bus, at the library, during work, during classes, during breaks, before tests, before physical tests, before, after, and when it's allowed, during a major surgery of... whatever.

Long story short, this addiction of mine (really just like smoking, except I'm killing my ears instead of lungs) uses up probably 2 or 3 earphones every year. My recent little silver Sony friend died today, its right side gently slipping into eternal sleep while we were listening to the soothing voice of Academy Award winner Trent Reznor (screaming "Big time, hard line, bad luck, fist fuck!"). I happened to be at the library at the moment, so turning my two minutes of frustration into a twenty second eBay search, I found a pretty good deal on a pair of new earphones, reasonable price, one bid not too high, about 50 minutes till the auction ends.

I was sitting there like a patient, cold blooded predator waiting for the moment of strike. When the counter reached its final minute mark, only then did I place my own bid - only a few pennies higher than the original -, so the other person had no chance of taking the winning position back. Within a minute, I had the earphones and an amount of amazement at how huge of a jerk I was, and how easy it was to do this to that other user. Only because he didn't feel like another human being, complete with emotions and desires, like I am. He was just a few characters long information on my screen, seemingly nothing to do with real life. Snatching an eBay item didn't feel like a move against someone.

Since this realization I started to fear a possible future of ours; when the Internet gets a much bigger role in our world than simple add-on for business and entertainment. Think about bio-mechanics and other cyberpunk clichés, you know what I'm getting at. The days when our existence, or at least our well-being in the most physical sense will depend solely on a chunk of online information, turning us into an easy cyber-target. To people who have all the means and the bad intentions. To whom we won't be anything more than faceless users, silent characters on their screen, hopelessly bidding for a fair and long life.

No, this is most certainly not a symbolic interpretation of Facebook. Not its present form, anyway.

iseewhatyoudidthere.png

How much will the game cost?

We haven’t finalised pricing details just yet, however, we can confirm that the game will cost less than $20.

What if I told you that Slender: The Arrival, the upcoming sequel to The Eight Pages won't be a free game, but will provide decent gameplay time with an actual story? An actual story that has been co-written by Troy "Jay" Wagner, Joseph "Alex" DeLage and Tim "Bruce Campbell with sideburns" Sutton, the guys behind Marble Hornets.

Things are coming full circle it seems, if only they could get some input from Victor Surge... this is a neat move anyway. Mark me interested.

Here's everything you want to know about the project, embedded below is a cool little short flick, inspired by the original game. Ta-ta.

Briefing: Pacific Rim

The Good

A year before the big guy arrives, we'll get to see Guillermo del Toro's Pacific Rim, Legendary Pictures' other attempt on Americanizing all Japan-o-philes' and Godzilla fans' favorite giant monster sci-fi extravaganza genre, the kaiju eiga. ("Kaiju" means "monster" in Japanese, sometimes written as "daikaiju" for "giant monster", while "eiga" simply means "movie".) A viral video hit the web today, showing deleted scenes from Cloverfield a news report on a creature destroying the Golden Gate bridge (let's mourn it with The Room theme), narrated by a voice eerily similar to the "Would you like to know more?" guy's from Starship Troopers.

The Bad 

While the premise of kaijus attacking different parts of the world around the Pacific Ring of Fire (hence the title) sounds great to me, the plot will mostly focus on the Jaegers (from "jäger", the German word for "hunter"), these huge fighting machines built by mankind to battle the kaijus. Yup, giant robots vs. giant monsters will be our main attraction  Does it sound like a silly Transformers cash-in? Absolutely. But hey, it's a del Toro flick, let's give it a chance.

And the Ugly

According to the viral site Pan Pacific Defense Force, the American Jaeger is called Gipsy Danger, a name that may sound awesomely cool and romantic on the other side of the Atlantic, but will undoubtedly cause awkwardness in some Central-European countries. I don't envy the translators and distributors back home.

Pacific Rim is out on July 12, 2013. Visit here for in-game updates.

Keep On Calling Me

And just like that, I'm back in the UK, for Ian knows how long.

Eh, star-cult too much? Just an in-joke with no harm meant toward Good Ol' Life, Fate, God Or Whatever. I've been listening to a lot of Joy Division lately.

Update, two days later: just found out that Ian and Deborah Curtis actually lived in Chadderton for a few years, only two blocks away from my place. According to Debbie's book, they found it too depressing here. Heh.

After I saw Control (that goddamn powerful biopic on Ian) this summer, I did some reading, and became aware of the Joy Division/New Order story as a whole, but not its details, like this one. Or that they actually recorded some of their stuff (including the An Ideal for Living EP and two tracks from the famous Love Will Tear Us Apart single) up there in Oldham.

Back home I've been an avid listener of their discography all summer long. Coming back here to find out all of these information is the strangest, eeriest kind of culture shock I've ever experienced. I think it's safe to call me a fan.

pixenomorphy #3

Sharkcep Finception! - courtesy of G.I. Bernard/Oxford Scientific Films 

Da Funky Bunkah

Here's something I miss from UK cinemas, the latest "please turn off your phone" spot from Orange, featuring half of the Expendables 2 cast, and James Buckley (one of the actors from the long-running British TV show The Inbetweeners, kind of a celebrity over there), playing their awkward new recruit, "Orange Communications officer" Robert Crumper.

Lionsgate has been really busy taking the video down from every sharing site, so I'm not sure how long this copy will remain watchable. You can try find it on this link, too.

orange spot expendables 2 from Daniel on Vimeo.

All the jokes, especially the movie references with the subtlety of an average Michael Bay action scene - "Call Trench [the name of Arnie's character], we're evacuating! We'll be back for you, Crumpy" - fall magnificently flat. Still, there's something really fun and likable about that geeky kid. Probably just because I'm an egoist and he reminds me of myself and my webdwelling ge-generation. Also, that orange/grey military clothing actually looks kinda cool, unlike the try-hard com/ma/cho/ndo outfits worn by Sly and the others.

They should do a movie about Crumper. In the right hands he could be the John McClane of my generation, with some heavy, but actually entertaining camp value. Get Buckley for the role, and who knows, they might won't even need that boring blue/grey filter from every post-2007 action flick to make him appear young.

Gawd, now I told them real good, didn't I?

Just for the record, I still found The Expendables to be somewhat enjoyable, and you can bet your ass arse I'll be watching the sequel. Can't wait to see ol' Chuck single-handedly cameo-ing everyone out of existence. Or something like that.

Fiend Without a Face

It would make me a hipster to say it's a shame that Slender Man became so mainstream (yup, I hate that phrase too) thanks to that game from a few months ago. Saying that it doesn't bother me at all would make me a liar.

My problem isn't that the thing lost its underground appeal - with an online fakelore myth you can't seriously say that it had anything underground in it anyway. It does feel strange to hear and see people constantly talk about Slendy and using pictures of him as Facebook avatars without being aware of Victor Surge and Something Awful, having seen any of the video serials, ever mentioning Masky, the Operator Symbol or HABIT help us, mutha-wifin' Ron Browz's infamous 20 Dollaz epic, but eventually a growing fanbase isn't a bad thing. Unless you're that kind of sore hipster that I've just turned out to be.

Remember this tagline? He only exists because you think of him. Try not to think of him. Thing is... Slender Man was an awesome and awesomely inspiring phenomenon, inception of things both frightening and/or funny, a lot of video series and ARGs, thousands of in-game and factual blogs, millions of fan art pieces, theories, thoughts, a real modern urban legend of epic proportions. And most people won't know about any of that.

They won't, because he crept his way into spotlight as the 2scary48mins antagonist of a game. That's right, "Slender", as nowadays every other user calls him, has become, and always will be remembered as a simple video game character. And I can't help to feel some kind of loss, or a missed opportunity here. Once a truly frightening, but also insanely fun character of our collective fears, he's now sitting innocently among other conquered monsters of our pop-culture. Nothing new in that. The Cthulhu plush, the vampire Teddy, the facehugger pillow. Slendy never had a chance.

Still, I would never say anything bad about the game. It's clearly a work of an inspired fan, and it is really well-done, a great, totally  free of charge chance to experience about eight minutes of Marble Hornets-style paranoia and jump scares. Give it a try, crap your pants, then muster your courage and give it a few more tries.

And after all is said and done, do more one thing for me, an old-timer pathetic, suit-wearing mythsucker hipster: whether it was in the game or not, remember the very first time Ol' Slendah scared you. This is the least of what we, the fans owe to this legend and the creative minds behind it.

He only exists because you think of him. Think of, and never, ever forget him.

Tiki Tiki Tiki Tiki

Dear James,

thanks for tragically ruining the lives of at least a dozen families, while giving movies and somewhat shy, almost anti-social nerds a bad name again. 

Congratulations on your shockingly original gimmicks, declaring yourself to be the Joker is certainly the most creative thing one could have done post-2008, and that subtle "Gingers have no soul!" reference with your dyed hair, whoah, hands down bro, it's a real shame you didn't try your luck in Hollywood.

I'm looking forward to reading your books though, written while spending your lifelong sentence, feeding on your one month legacy, brought to everyone by Warner Brothers, with special thanks to Bob Kane and Christopher Nolan.

Have fun! 

Your pal,

The Bloggler

(or something clever like that)

- -

And without wasting any serious words on this, I'll just put The Joker Blogs' tribute here. It expresses everything that I'd like to say, way better and memorable than I'd ever be capable of.

Capital G

Say hello to the latest incarnation of the one and only Godzilla, brought to you by Legendary Pictures and director Gareth Edwards. He's expected to stomp his way into the theaters in 2014, precisely ten years after Final Wars, his latest Japanese flick, in the year that marks the franchise's 60th birthday.

This reboot is going to be the second G-flick produced, shot (and probably set) in the United States, but it won't have much to do with Roland Emmerich's universally and somewhat unfairly penned incarnation from 1998. Director Gareth Edwards promises an ultra-realistic, pretty dark (knight) approach.

The pic above is a photo of the concept teaser Legendary showed to the audience at Comic-Con this year. The reactions have been overwhelmingly positive, but if any further footage has been shot, it has yet to surface. Here's a report, while we're waiting:

The teaser (which was shown twice) is fairly brief, with the camera slowly moving through an utterly devastated urban landscape. There’s even a building that looks like a monster walked right through it, and we see the suggestion of a six-armed beast lying dead in rubble. Then the money shot: Godzilla, seen from behind, turning his head to the camera in profile before emitting the monster’s signature screech. 

The vision of Godzilla was more a suggestion than a detailed reveal, but the guy is HUGE, with a tail and spines up his back that are very clearly meant to evoke the classic creature design. The head is a bit more elongated than the first couple iterations of the beast, but not to the degree of the version seen in the Emmerich remake.
While director Gareth Edwards (Monsters) did come out on stage, where he proclaimed that he’s making a realistic film rather than a sci-fi picture, we don’t know how this teaser represents the film he plans to make. If any footage has been shot for the film (I don’t know that we’ve even had confirmation before this that it is greenlit) it has done so in total secrecy, so what we saw today might be more proof of concept than anything else. ~ slashfilm.com

I'm incredibly hyped about this project. While Godzilla is an icon of camp, cheesy special effects, and nonsense sci-fi stories, he could and has been much more than that. Way before the rubber suit wrestling and kid friendly crapfests from the 1960's and -70's, Ishiro Honda's original Gojira, harbinger of the whole kaiju eiga genre, offered something entirely different. In a surprisingly sad, brooding tale about the horror of the H-bomb and mankind's responsibility over destructive weapons, the monster itself was nothing more then an easy gimmick, politically correct sci-fi exploitation of a troubled nation's memories just a decade after Hiroshima. Sixty years old suit-motion effects or not, that flick got one hell of a mood, and If Gareth can summon something from that feel in today's setting, we're in for a treat.

So far what I really like is that although we're going to get a CGI Godzilla - judging from the pic, at least - they will stick to the classic idea of the creature's design, a bulky, fatass sarurian badass, walking erect and angry, but always taking his time. It may seem dated (especially compared to the Dean Devlin designed, Jurassic Park-influenced 1998 Zilla), but trust me, among today's collective modern idea of those pathetic anorexic dinosaurs, often depicted with feathers, an old-school lizard like the Japanese big guy will be a refreshing sight.

It's time to make the word prehistoric equal cool again. Wishing the best of luck to Mr. Edwards.

Underneath Will Tear You Down

Kind of hard. 
Hard to see. 
When you crawl. 
On your hands and your... hell with it, here's the song itself.

Your humble narrator did it again, folks. Only five days have passed since I've got back to a country where summer is an existing season, not just some kind of myth or cinema lie - even better, I've got back to the city where no less than three of my best friends live within walking distance, wait a moment to see how ironic that is -, and I've already managed to fuck up practically everything. It happened in one short booze-filled moment, a slip on a Tim Burton-ish gate, sudden flash of pain as drunken joy turns into confusion, and here I am, with a pierced sole, the nastiest wound I've ever had, a handful of ruined summer plans and a ton of shame.

I'm gripping crutches in my sweaty palms, craving for the cold touch of a beer can instead. I feel bandages on the bottom of my useless right foot, which is supposed to lie either on a skateboard or buried deep into hot beach sand right now. Bounded to my bed, lying there since forever, I dream about darker days.

It's not the end of the world, really. Encouraging words from experts promise me a quick recovery, maybe three weeks. And underneath all the cynicism and pain I've realized that when the chips are down, there's a lot more helpful people in the world I can count on than I've ever dared to dream before. A comforting thought, in a godforsaken situation like this. I can't remember the last time I felt so much honest gratitude.

Moral of the story? There's three, and they are painfully obvious.

Alcohol makes you do stupid things. But I knew that already. I've had some of my best times, and made some of my worst mistakes thanks to drinking.This accident comes off somewhat special, but only because of its textbook nature. It's the kind of stupid, clichéd thing your parents warn you about all the time, hurting yourself physically. Never a word about hurting others with words and gestures you don't mean.

Alcohol is a strong painkiller. Not directly on your wounds, oh, hell no. And it could easily backfire - Not going into details here, in fear that writing it out would get me so mad that I facepalm myself into a coma.

I don't really have any right to bitch about my life as long as I have 100% usage of my legs. Not being able to walk is probably the worst thing that ever happened to me in the last ten years. Crutches are a pain in the ass, after five minutes of hopping around my left leg gets its share of the misery (heh, Stephen King, anyone?), and oh, Good Ol' Life, Fate, God Or Whatever, isn't it wonderful to live on the fourth floor now, during the heatwave of the decade? I could use an elevator.

Things are happening to me right now, forming, changing me. It doesn't feel like a healing, more like - to be a bit Thomas Harris slash Trent Reznor here - becoming. Getting ready to die with a scar.

pixenomorphy #2

Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk

Longing for / What Used to Be

Same location, same sweet July air, but it feels like everything else has changed.

It was a magnificent hour. I remember it way better than what could be considered polite from either of us, according to the rules of romance literature and alcohol anyway, but like every hour, on the long run it became only a fraction, a miniature sparkle of time.

Time isn't a stale mess, something that you could really describe with terms of physics. It's a never-ending loop, a paradox of continuous birth and death, something ancient that kills and eats itself along with eventually everything else in the world over and over again, leaving nothing worthy behind.

With the branch we first held hands on demolished, our stairs transformed into something else, the church and its square became a concrete graveyard of every faint memory I had about her tender touch.

But that night, for one exceptional hour, long overdue, the future was so bright indeed.

I dreamt of scarred wrists again last night.

Alien Retconnection - Agyadba áll a Halál

"The light is wrong," grumbles Sir Ridley Scott. “What's wrong with the light?” [empire]

Did that script look f*cking right to you, Sir?

Thoughts on Prometheus. Spoilers ahead.

Offspring Month: Days Go By (2012)

"Part of why I chose 'Days Go By' as the single and the title of the album is because it really kind of shows – not only with me – that the world has been through a shitty few years and it's been really tough on a lot of people," Holland says. "People have really gotten hurt and, at the end of the day, no one's gonna pick you up. You've gotta pick yourself up and figure out how to move on. So I guess acknowledging that it's been tough, but also having a message of hope, is what I really wanted people to take away from this record." [rs]

Offspring Month: Happy Hour! (2010)

This one's a Japanese exclusive compilation, featuring some B-sider stuff, live versions, covers and a few remixes. Some rarities included, so it's worth a trip to Japan, on a ship. If you know what I mean.

Offspring Month: Rise and Fall, Rage and Grace (2008)

Good evening, my fellow Americans. 

It has come to my attention in recent weeks, that the state of our union is deteriorating. Every day our friends and neighbors are losing their jobs, their homes - their jet skis! 

And their girlfriends. 

To put it mildly: Shit is Fucked Up.

President Holland's tour announcement

Offspring Month: Greatest Hits (2005)

Compilation album including the highest charting singles from the Smash to Splinter era. Far from being complete (no S/T or Ignition stuff at all), but it comes with a few new goodies. Definitely worth a listen.

Offspring Month: Splinter (2003)

In its own time, Splinter was the band's most diverse, fan-splitting, experimenting album. I starts out with a great punch, but it's over even before you could say "Wait, where the hell is Pass Me By?"...

Offspring Month: Conspiracy of One (2000)

Ah, the good old days:  

Two men, from opposite sides, bond together by a siamese ripcord tethered to their souls. Who will pull first, knowing that it will destroy them both? 

Nowadays: 

One man, from opposite sides, struggles to keep the dangling ripcord from the reach of a little man who does not hesitate to pull, knowing that the falling carcass will destroy them both.

CO1 booklet Conspiracy of One's illustration page

Offspring Month: Americana (1998)

'The songs on Americana aren't condemnations, they're short stories about the state of things and what we see going on around us. We want to expose the darker side of our culture. It may look like an episode of Happy Days out there in America, but it feels more like Twin Peaks.'

Dexter Holland, SFGate.com

Offspring Month: Ixnay on the Hombre (1997)

... lyrics which might actually make you think, and will also insult your intelligence at the same time.

Disclaimer guy knows what he's talking about. From Hail Maries to doggie doo, Ixnay has everything.

Offspring Month: Smash (1994)

Nomen est stupid dumbsh*t godd*mn motherf*cking omen, this record contains some of the band's biggest smash hits to date, and - with 12 million sold copies worldwide - currently recognized as the best-selling independent label album of all time. 

For the tru punx crowd this meant the beginning of their sell-out era, for everyone else, Smash is the definitive sound of one-nine-nine-four, the unforgettable year in which mainstream air got completely taken over by punk, grunge, alternative & popular rock and rocking pop songs.

And The Offspring ('xcuse me, I meant simply Offspring, as all Smash-era artwork dropped the "the") had all of the above.

Dividing By Zero & Slim Pickens

A little intermission (heh) among the great Offspring reviews, here's something to subside (double heh) all the pain Cruising California has caused. Introducing the two closing tracks of DGB, played in a live show yesterday:

And there's something streaming down @ Rolling Stone's...

Offspring Month: Ignition (1992)

Ignition, they call it an obsession, I think it's kinda bitchen, 

I think it's kinda neeeeeeeeeeeeat!

Offspring Month: Baghdad (1991)

"HEEEEEEEEYYEEEEEEEE-EEEEEEEEYEEAAAEEEEEEY!" 

Lyrics from The Blurb 

Offspring Month: Self-Titled (1989)

A simple message released through Nemesis Records in 1989, and two more times via Epitaph and Dexter's own Nitro Records: War, politics and untrustworthy people suck, all hail Aliens, Fender and bloody axes. Let the carnage begin. 

Offspring Month: Early Years

Among Offspring fans who spend most of their time online, chatting about their songs, watching, ripping and sharing  music and live videos or say, writing blogs with titles heavily inspired by the band (how could someone be so unoriginal?) there's an ongoing meme/joke/obsession/thing about bassist Greg K. - or, as we like to call him, The Badass Motherfucker or more simply, The Man. Among other names.

This usually calm, silent, least exposed member of the band posseses an almost mystical presence of power and otherworldly coolness, and not too surprisingly, a bag of Chuck Norris facts type legends are known about him...

Launching Offspring Month

Skull lifted from marpli.

Okay, Offspring Month? Who am I kidding here? I mean, this band and their upcoming record have been my most resilient topic in the last three months or so anyway.

But now shit is about to get real: June is finally here, summer officially begins, Days Go By comes out on the 26th, so quoting the 25-sec classic, it's time to relax. And you know what that means: glass of coke, your favorite browser, and of course, this weblog shining on you computer screen.

So go on, indulge yourself! That's right, open YouTube or another video site, put on your headphones! Lean back, and just enjoy the melodies - which I'm going to review song-by-song in the following weeks.

Yup, you got it, this is what you can expect from this month: with my little to none musical knowledge, I'm going to give my two cents about every important piece of The Offspring's discography, starting from their early Manic Subsidal days, closing the whole thing with a review of the new album, not long after it hits the digital and IRL shelves. I've never did anything like this before, hopefully it turns out to be a neat little project...

After all, music soothes even the savage beast.

Számítógépes lovagok

Vállvonogatós jövőkép: fordítsuk ki egy kicsit Éjfél Kapitány szavait a multik hi-tech alkalmazottairól, s a helyi pláza walkie-talkieval felszerelt gondnokait is cyberpunknak kiálthatjuk ki. Evening cleaner beosztásban azonban küldetéseiket nem rivális cégek alkalmazottai, hanem ördögi mozgólépcsők veszélyeztetik.

A napokban volt szerencsém látni, mit művelhet valaki alsó lábszárával egy ilyen szerkezet. Az örökmozgó, fáradhatatlan recék (Miért, és mivégre kísérted sorsod, ember? Hiszen pauseon pózolva sem tart olyan sokáig végigápolni azt a rohadt üveglapot!) szó szerint csontig hatolnak, s - ezt szakmai titokként súgták meg nekem - a lépcsőfokok soha nem annyira tiszták, hogy a szétszabdalt hús egy csinos fertőzés nélkül ússza meg a dolgot. Hiába váltunk immunissá a médiában kitárulkozó nagyfelbontású gore-ra, élőben látni ilyesmit bizony felszisszentős élmény.

Statisztikai szempontból nem igaz a divatos, természetbarát online mondás, mely szeint a csokoládé- és üdítősautomaták évente több embert ölnek meg a cápáknál. Én azonban óva intenék most minden kedves olvasót. Teljesen mindegy, hogy a nyílt tengeren vagy a szomszéd utca bevásárló központjában jársz, csupa hétköznapi tárgy között: fő az óvatosság. Járj nyitott szemmel és vigyázz magadra jól!

Most pedig az árnyalva beharangozott Tankcsapda nóta helyett egy kis EBM trash, csak hogy szép kereken záruljon a poszt. (Escalator means "mozgólépcső" in Hungarian! - Cpt. Obvious) Fájdalomcsillapítónak nem a legjobb, viszont a rekeszizmokat kellően megdolgoztatjuk. Egy-két-há és!

And Blow the Candles Out, Whoah

Today on Offspring Weekly:

Exclusive: DGB's cover is here! It's been leaked out in 64 pieces through twitter, Facebook and the official forums, where fans put the picture together as sort of a puzzle game. You know, the kind that thoughts you patience.

A tad clichéd, but a very-very neato cover, I gotta say. All it needs now is a creepy Slender Man figure in the background.

Early review: A Spanish site had the opportunity to hear the full record. According to their twitter we can expect one more crap special song like Cruising California, otherwise it's mostly good old Offspring material. They found it to be slightly better than Splinter (which is IMO a vastly underrated album even among fans) and RAFRAG (which was half good, half meh). Huge thanks to Castormut from the boards for translating it.

Video: Ignition show at Alex's Bar!

You see, their second (and my second favorite) album, Ignition had turned 20 years old, and they are celebrating it with a series of special shows. Held in relatively small clubs, the setlist mostly contains songs from that record - some of which they've never played live previously. I'd love to see one of these gigs, but for now videos like this have to do it. Even watching it like that, Forever And A Day sent a chill down on my spine.

Seems like every fan or has-been fan cries for a Smash Part 2. My bravest dream would be a new Ignition. But you know what they've been singin' since 2005: Those days are gun and we can never get them back.

Well. A re-recorded Dirty Magic is something, isn't it? Come on, late June (and pirate rippers of early June), hurry up.

You're Gonna Need a Bigger Screen

Szóval néhány UK mozi oldalán mostanság ilyeneket lehet olvasni:

JAWS

Jaws back on the big screen. Coming soon - register for a ticket alert.
Running time:120mins.
Due to be released: 15/06/2012
Friday 15th June

Mi is a véleményem erről a filmről? => Klikk. Nem túlreagálván, abszolút izgalommentesen fogadva eme tényleg fantasztikus re-release hírét (Jurassic Park? mehh! Titanic 3D? pihha! Episode I? pfijj!), most csak annyit írnék:

! ! ! GJIÁÁÁÁÁÁRGH, FUCK YEAH ! ! !

Good Ol' Life, Fate, God Or Whatever, don't you dare screw this up for me.

Don't you fucking dare.

Music You Will Never Own: 'Return of the Killer Tomatoes!' (1988) Original Soundtrack

The theme song still remains the same, the plot itself has hardly changed, we hear during the opening credits, but nevertheless, the second installment in John De Bello's campy Killer Tomatoes quadrilogy (yup, there's four movies and even a cartoon show) is arguably a huge improvement over the original, usually the most beloved among tomato fans, partly thanks to the awesome soundtrack.

And yes, this is the one starring George Clooney. Among others.

There's many catchy little tracks besides the updated to the '80s theme song (you can find the full list on IMDb), right now I'll mention only two favorites of mine.

1; Big Breasted Girls Go To The Beach And Take Their Tops Off

Like poetry in motion, like a perfect wave / Gonna ride with the wind and spend the money I saved, you gotta love a song with lyrics like that. Featured in the fake sexploitation opening, reprised during the end credits as Big Breasted Tomatoes.

I wish Dexter and co. had ripped off parodied something similar instead of Katy Perry. Pseudo-dumb feelgood beach tunes hardly get any better than this one.

2; Tomatoes K, or the detective tune

Calling it that because of the obvious influence of Axel F, the Beverley Hills Cop theme. Here's two scenes featuring this synthpop germ, among Clooney, Steve Lindquist, John Astin, and last but not least, Anthony Starke. Man, I love that guy.

I could listen to that song for hours while stalking people, running around in gardens, or riding some expensive Honda quad. And drinking Pepsi, of course. This music is basically the essence of '80s pop culture, in it's brightest, cheesiest, very best form. Just like the movie itself.

But if this film does well, you see / we're sure you know predictably / it won't be long... until Part Three! Sadly, it didn't do well. Return of the Killer Tomatoes! was a huge, undeserved flop and - Neal Fox, one of the composers has confirmed this - a soundtrack release was out of question.

Some years ago I came across a Big Breasted Girls fan cover, which could still be floating around on the web, but there's no way I could track it down with this restricted library connection. It's a pity, really.

Maybe Someday soon if I keep prayin' a bootleg will turn up. If You, Dear Reader have any information about such an outrageous copyright-rape, please don't hesitate to inform me about it. A lot of us would appreciate it.

.--. .-. --- -... .-.. . -- ..--..

A trendnek megfelelően oldalt badasszül, gondosan lenullázott haj, fejtetőn és hátul pedig könyörtelenül konformista mohawk, amit már-már művészi módon tesz közröhej tárgyává a tízpennys méretével bíró kopaszfolt, mikor kigyúrt, kellően magas emberünk a mozgólépcső előnytelenebb szakaszán kénytelen ácsorogni.

Valaha szokás volt mondani, hogy a tárgyaknak lelkük van. Ezzel a klisével több okból nem értek egyet, azonban reális megfigyelés, hogy az univerzum teljesen tudatlan ojjektumai, okai és okozatai látszólag antropomorf módon lelnek valamiféle senki által nem érzett örömet tudatos lények trollolásában. Csúnya szó, napjainkra azonban a magyar köznyelv sokat koptatott darabja, magyarázni nem sokat kell hát rajt', nagylevegő és terítem a példákat.

A hetykén nedves albán szellő, mely katasztrófa szívnek, léleknek, kedvnek s ruházatnak egyaránt, a ragacsos madárürülék, amely tökéletesre hangolt sebesség-röppálya koordinációval csapódik a fejed búbjára, a UK toplista aktuális állása, ami miatt a szokásosnál is jobban kell röhögnöd Justinon meg azon a másik srácon, Janet Jackson Super Bowlos napkorong piercingje, nem tudom, erre a traumára emlékszik-e még valaki... mind-mind olyan események, erők, véletlenek, egyszóval dolgok, amelyek valaki más kárára működve humorizálnak egy elvileg az emberi esztétikán túlmutató világ szabályai szerint, mégis vérlázítóan ízléstelenül, ha az áldozat POV-jába fecskendezed elméd egy cseppjét.

Nonhumán trollok? Ennél jobb elnevezést érdemelne a jelenség. Kár, hogy a gimi talán legmaradandóbb hatása rajtam egy visszavonhatatlan lingvisztika-undor kialakítása volt. Talán valaki más egy szép napon kiötöl-hatol valami frappánsat.

Britney Spring

Damn it, seems like Europe got Cruising California as the first single instead of Days Go By. Here's what Dex has to say about the song:

When asked about the track “Cruising California (Bumpin’ In My Truck),” featured on The Offspring’s upcoming album Days Go By, Dexter Holland and Noodles broke up in laughter. They must have known the song title would get some chuckles. KROQ morning show host Bean was happy to deliver the question, “Did you run into Snoop Dogg at the medical marijuana store? How did that title happen?”

Dexter, the band’s frontman, was more than happy to offer some insight into the fun rap-laden track, “For whatever reason I felt kinda serious writing this record… there was a lot of serious songs and when we got close to the end I felt like I wanted to have a few kinda fun songs on it too because that’s both sides of who we are as a band. That song was really about where I live. I live in Huntington Beach and I’ve never written a song about what it’s like to go down on an average summer day in my home town.”

When asked if this was their Ice Cube “It Was A Good Day,” the duo laughed and responded, “Yeah, I guess it is… The white guy nerd version.” Via kroq

Hey, in case it really is a sole accident, an epic train crash of a joke, it's all good. But fans still have the right to feel disappointed, I think.

Joke songs on the previous records were different. They had the a rocking edge, lyrics actually mocking the subject, and that kind of trademark Offspring sound of good hooks and sarcastic voice, even Pretty Fly or Why Don't You Get a Job did. CC sounds such a lazy attempt compared to them. Man, I even like When You're In Prison, but let's face it, crap on purpose always was, and always will be crap.

Seems like their new album will be their most experimenting, diverse and daring stuff since... well, the last one. Not sure, what to think as of now. We just have to wait and listen.

pixenomorphy #1

from Hellblazer #043

Haza/fika

Ju dzsőmün. Nó? Hongöri? Ejhöhöh! Átóf ju dzsőmün. Khreháeühh! Lájked hia? Frímani, hjéeh? Uhhéhéhérh! Hangri hongöri. Ekhehehöhh!

Nem működik, öreg. A rozsdás röhögésednél is erőltetettebb bármiféle hazafias implikáció, ha hozzád hasonlótól jön. Igen, hazád vérét szívom, és bocsáss meg érte, de süt rólad, hogy legszívesebben te is ezt tennéd azzal a hírhedt földdarabbal a pocsolya túloldalán, a legendás nyugattal, ahonnan a kaliforniai napfényben grillezett dansz és urban-kúltúrád érkezik.

Swagpulcsi mögé rejtett pocak, mintha Bud helyett iható olcsósörön meg gulyáson (ó, ha tudnád, ez mennyire övön aluli volt) nevelkedtél volna, és végeláthatatlan, fájdalmasan kiszámítható álmok tucatnyi LA-ben lőtt rapvideó, nomeg a Jersey Shore által megihletve; az örökös eső alatt ragadt életed összes tragédiája, amit sosem ismernél be. Inkább előveszel engem, és clever boyba csapva bevándorlókról panaszkodsz.

Jól ismerem a fajtád. Te vagy, aki napi hat óra melóval fejleszted tökélyre a behízelgő modorod. Aki a hét közepén is képes borba fojtani lappangó hazafiasságát, hogy megrészegült főnixként törjön ki belőle, az életről mindent tudni vélő, bitchmester fenegyerekként, aki könyörtelenül mondja meg a frankót, hogy aztán meg is tapsolja magát, egy tenyérrel, mások csupasz arcán. Aki félreértette Lennont, és valóban megtanult mosolyogva gyilkolni. Akinek mindig igaza van.

Abban is, hogy nem vagyok jobb nálad. Jól gondolod: szintúgy önző és gyűlölködő vagyok, mint az összes parazita, méretemhez képest ömméééézingli nagy egóval, és egy édes gondolattal, ami csaknem engem is idióta vihogásra késztet.

Nem tudom, eszembe jutsz-e három hónap múlva. Abban azonban biztos vagyok, hogy a saját fészkemben csordogáló folyó partján fogok lebzselni a tűző nap alatt, alkohollal tömött kezekkel és erekkel, déjzgóbájt hallgatva, amit a bőrdzseki brigád többi tagjával együtt fél-ironikusan minden szarnak elhordok majd, és abban a mámoros négy percben boldogabb leszek, mint te bármikor voltál a szerencsétlen tucatéleted folyamán.

Faszfej.

All Your Anger, All Your Hurt (Bumpin' In My Ear)

Catchy as shit, but nothing more than your average generic stadium poprock song (which is actually kind of an alternative thing on the air nowadays). That's The Offspring's Days Go By, the first radio friendly single from the new record with the very same title. It debuted this weekend on KROQ, with reworked - still a tad too Foo Fighterish - sound and brand new lyrics. It's actually the third public version since that little video snippet from two years back.

As I said earlier, it definitely won't be a long-time favorite of mine, but that nice offspringish artwo taste we all dig is definitely there, although the overall tone and the lyrics (basically a huge, romantic fuck you to all those 'oh-god-why' moments from one's past, but that's just my interpretation) are still surprisingly positive for this band. Just compare it to Hammerhead, RAFRAG's debut single, deeply influenced by both the trench coat mafia and some serious military angst. Bang-bang.

Aaaaand... ready for the saddest/funniest thing? Australians got => this <= as a single. It's supposed to be a joke song like Why Don't You Get A Job or When You're In Prison, but as a track sent out to radio stations, well. Something just died inside me. I hope to Good Ol' Life, Fate, God Or Whatever that it won't suck itself to the top charts (otherwiese it's a guaranteed number one), so Offspring fans and the rest of the world can forget about it. They call it the new Pretty Fly. I call it crap irritating poppy shi oh fuck you autotune and Bob R easily the worst song I've heard from them so far. Not much shall be said about it right now.

Anyway, Days Go By, the full album comes out in June, and the full tracklist was released too. Not that it gives us too much to work with now, but the last entry, Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell is actually a reference to Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove, which is way cool. I love obscure long titles anyway.

The one called Dirty Magic is a classic piece from Ignition, freshly polished and re-recorded (that's something they've been teasing us with for yeas now), which ignites - ba-dum-whoah - mixed feelings in me. First, this song is fine as it is right now, being arguably the best track from its era, and it comes off as somewhat a cheap filler among the new stuff. But if its reappearance serves as a harbinger of live Offspring shows with Dirty Magic on the setlist again, well, hell yeah.

Here's the single's cover. Like the song itself, it's filled with sunshine, something I miss from my life. Summer, hurry up, yo bastah'

It makes a cool wallpaper, too.

No Or Title

My grammar nazi Coke won't approve.

Sally, Take My Hand

Here's the online version of the article I found tucked into the copy of Teenage Wasteland by J. A. Kerswell, which I borrowed from the (deep breath) Oldham Library and Lifelong Learning Centre. I know, it's a book about the history of slasher movies, what kind of easter eggs should one expect from the previous readers, if not clippings like this?

Still. Celeb rapists are not the same fun, nerdy topic as Freddy, Mr. Myers and their bloodsoaked friends. To the person who put the stuff in there, in case you ever find this post - what was the point? Does it have anything to do with Jason or Sorority Row? Are those teared holes the clues to some coded message you'd like to give out to the world?

Or maybe you just have an Oskar Eriksson-esque hobby? Clipping and reading nasty pieces of journalism with some rock n' roll in the background? Getting a girlfriend or hitting the local pool is highly recommended in that case. Or you can try stalking me, Marble Hornets style. I think it would fit you. Grab a white mask and see if you can find me on Middleton Road - if the weather happens to be nice, I'm usually one of the joggers there.

Good luck.

The Future Is Now

Why would this blog be interested in The Offspring, one of the pioneer bands of the 'let's put cool stuff, like post-punk, industrial and grunge into the mainstream' '90s movement, which has long been forgotten by everyone 'cept for hardcore fans, who - paradox as it is - seemingly became their biggest haters since the beginning of the new millennium?

I don't want to overstate how much I love their music, but here's a hint: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manic_Subsidal

Anyway, the ninth 'spring album is supposed to come out this year, and my excitement finally started showing lifesigns this week. Days Go By (AKA You Will Find a Way or November Song), the first new track they've been playing live didn't do much for me (although I dig the changed, less Foo Fighter-esque intro) but this new The Future Is Now footage is pretty neat:

The Rip-Offspring phenomenon is once again present - it sounds kinda like a Rise Against song, then again, Rise Against sounds pretty much like The Offspring to begin with, save for the dime a dozen vocals -, but oh man, it is so much better than the last album's Green Day influenced pop-punk efforts. Plus that dark solo is like something straight out of Ixnay or Americana. Quoting their president by something he probably never said: Not bad.

Also, Dexter was kind enough to post the lyrics on their forum. Noodles on twitter is also a recommended source on news and bits about the upcoming record, which I'm telling you, can't arrive soon enough.

Putting the song's dark message aside, have you ever (zing!) wished that the future was now already?

Kóla, puska, natúrjoghurt

Aber natürlich, hogy pont akkor erőszakolja meg egy helikopter a hajnali égboltot, mikor három órányi Budd Hopkins bibliográfia tanulmányozás után nagyon erősen és kitartóan próbálok spermalopó és ánusztömő ufonautáktól mentes álomba zuhanni.

Általában nyugis környék ez, a one a.m. körül megjelent lebegő zaj- és fényáradat pedig talán nem is állt semmilyen összefüggésben a tőlünk egy lépcsőháznyira parkoló négy darab rendőrautóval. Ritka látvány itt az ilyen, és bizony kétségeket gyömöszölhet az addig csak az időjárás, no meg az átkozott repülő csészealjak miatt idegeskedő, máskülönben békeszerető egyén szívébe.

Nyílt pofozkodásra viszont nem került sor, és laza másfél órányi helyszínelés után - a kopteres mate közben kitartóan rótta zajos köreit Oldham és Manchester között - úgy távozott a yard, mintha egybesült ál'mok módra csak fánkért ugrottak volna be valahová.

Egyetlen helyi híroldalon sem találtam említést az esetről. Amilyen teátrális pánikkal lőtték annak idején az őspunk ifjakról szóló rémhíreket a köztudatba, a jelek szerint napjaink gangsztás trendje felé inkább ignorációval illik viseltetni.
Nagyon sokan rózsaszirmokkal körbecelluxozott pengeélen táncolunk, az a helyzet. Ám így még mindig jobb, mintha a csuklónkat vetnénk be rajta, mondjuk folyamatos, nagyon rad machó gizda fekvőtámasz indokán.

Geek Rage

Saying no to warez or NSFW content is one thing. When your visitors can't reach webistes because they're only allowed to use history's most useless, buggy, unable, lousy, irritating, shitty browser... well, that's just awkward.

Áj7jú.

Music You Will Never Own: 'Takes You Alive'

Introducing a new kind of post breed here, one that's going to be all about good songs or soundtracks you (or just me) would probably kill to own in your collection, but you can't, simply because they are unreleased, lost, or really freakin' limited and expensive. Ofthen without a proper copyright beholder. Mostly stuff from commercials or movies. I'll provide a sample or a bootleg when I'm able to.

Starting today with a nice little pop-rock song "Takes You Alive" by (I guess) Californian band Station Victoria. It was featured in several low-budget movies by Nu Image (a company with a filmography not quite as horrible as SyFy originals or The Asylum films), most noticeably in Crocodile (2000), a teen comedy filled with CGI reptiles and strawberry juice, from the director of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I think I've heard it once during a beach scene in Shark Zone (painful flick edited from archived scenes of the Shark Attack series, which has been put together mostly from stock footage from several shark documentaries to begin with), too.

Anyway, here's probably half of the song, ripped out from the end credits of Crocodile. Enjoy:

Click here in case YT killed it.

MP3 link (320 kbps, 7,3 MB)

I think it's time for you gentlemen to leave.

UK streets are filled with unintentional pop cultural references. What would your thoughts be, for example, if you happened to be a fan of the eighties cheese-glory ride cult movie Road House, and its main character, tai-chi philosopher slash hard-boiled bouncer maestro Dalton, played by the late Patrick Swayze, and you spotted a pub called 'Dalton Arms' one day?


Of course, almost every pub around here is named after some kind of coat of arms, that's a well-known tradition even in Hungary. Nevertheless, I think the owners of DA are failed to recognize the possibilities behind this badass name - the place could be redesigned (maybe under the command of a real bouncer vet) to an '80s action film nostalgia zone, inspired by the Double Deuce itself.

Just think about it: an all-American disco on the road (something like this was actually the movie's Hungarian title), in the middle of Great Manchester. Blasphemy, but some people, including your humble narrator would love it for sure.

... And Very Nice

A 'fluxuson olvastam, hogy az IMP-s poszterkollektorok 2011 egyik legjobbjának választották a franchise-hűen terebélyes című Rise of the Planet of the Apes szlogenjét (na nem az otthoni kiadás borítóján szereplő egyszavasat), mely szerint Evolution becomes revolution.

Jópofa szöveg, és ha monkey businessről meg pofákról van szó, elkerülhetetlenül eszembe ötlik Travis és Charla Nash esete A pszichopata csimpánzra, s egy életre helyben hagyott áldozata gondolok, tavaly írtam róluk, és teljesen őszintén mondom, blogposzt legyártása közben azóta sem kerülgetett olyan pocsék érzés, mint akkor.

No, de mi újság Nash asszonnyal mostanában, ha már Cézáréknak hála felemlegettük őt? Jó híreket mesél a háló: egy 2011-es operáció során új, végleges arcot kapott. Immár képes szeretteit átölelni, csókokat osztogatni és a négy lenullázott érzékszervből is használni tud már kettőt. Dramatikus klisémérő kiakasztva, de ezek bizony apró lépések egy teljes élet felé.

Apu elismerő sóhaja vagyok.

Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-14494556

SzOPAcs

So someone watches a pirated DVD on a Sony player - do they ban Sony from selling DVD players?

Thought not.

"Ironrash" - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-16642369

Government launches the four-lettered idea, people say no. Three letters will do fine, Ol' Gov. realizes, enter the Eph Bee Eye.

Megaupload is dead, hotfile is a coward, and the folks at Anonymous are having a ball trolling on the bureau's website. From our POV, this is a good comedy. As long as torrenting is available, there's no real risk of a worldwide change.

Well, to be fair, torrents aren't an option for me. The library, which provides my access to the Internet, takes his filtering and censoring business quite seriously. No warez sites, no torrent, no porn or pages with edgy content, like bloody-disgusting.com (after all, "bloody" is a strong swearword around here, right?) Unfortunately, all the online proxies I've found are ruled out, too.

Still, these British guys constantly give me suspicious looks, every time I show up with an mp4 player or a USB cable around my neck. That paradoxical "chilled Heat"-gaze of Robert De Niro is what I think about while staring back at them.

You. Can. Not. Bother. Me.

Almost Got A Story To Tell You

Hiszed vagy sem, úgy egy évvel ezelőtt komoly esély volt rá, hogy munka végett a Costa Concordia fedélzetén kötök majd ki.

Elképzelés szintjén rendre előmászik a fontolói rivaldafénybe nálam valami luxushajós meló - bárhogy is alakuljanak a dolgaim, mindenképpen szeretnék még ifjonci erővel végigrabszolgálni legalább egy féléves utat, ezt amolyan jellemformáló életcélnak is tekinthetjük -, tavaly pedig már készültem is felvenni a kapcsolatot a család egy ismerősével, aki hasonló célból pont ezt a pórul járt krúztutajt szemelte ki magának. A médiacirkuszt látva vajon áldja a sorsot, hogy végül szárazföldre kötő állásánál maradt? Ugyanannál, amelyért alázatot nem ismerő narrátorotok is a brithonban ("száraz"-föld, háthogyne) tengeti idejét mostanság?

Furcsán működnek a dolgok. Az ember azt hinné, a semmi közepén, több millió öles mélység felett éri majd valami agyzsibbasztóan tragikus katasztrófa, vagy legalább egy jégmezőben, a'la Titanic, the 100th anniversary edition. De hogy egy part menti homokzátony vágjon így oda egy luxusóriásnak... ejj. Good Ol' Life, Fate, God or tudod hogy van, imád harsány iróniával operálni.

~ Szerk, 1/21/12:

Bááh, priceless:

Post Zero

"Hullo, Manchester."

"Hullo, Chris Lydecker."

"How are you then, Manchester?"

"All right. Full of people. Raining. You?"

"Ahh. Not bad. 'cept for the back of my heels, getting sawed into bloody pieces by my precious new boots. I think I'll go get me a Pepsi at Home Bargains soon."

"Good idea, Chris."

"Thank you, Manchester. Good thing, they're cheap as shlock cinema."

~ inspired by
Mr. Neil Gaiman

Most pedig közel egy év üresen, csendben tátongó blogszpészt követően ideje rendszerteremtést megelőzvén hagyományokat törni, Ruiner Rose lendületével. Egy gyors posztimport és mély lélegzetvétel. Anyanyelven szólok eddig nem anyanyelven írt blogomba, méghozzá nem anyanyelvi környezetből.

A mindenható erő, melyet itt fantáziátlanul csak Good Ol' Life, Fate, God Or Whateverként emlegetnek a bejegyzések, szóval ez a kiszámíthatatlan kliséforrás rutinszerűen biztosítja, hogy halandó szerénységünk művészi indulatai a legalkalmatlanabb időszakokban törjenek fel. Alkotnál, de éppen apokaliptikus tintaválság van, vérszomjas médiatörvények emelnek falakat előtted, esetleg ne adj GOLFGOW, a végtagjaid váltak használhatatlanná - utóbbihoz képest az állandó internet-hozzáférés hiánya nem tűnik komoly dolognak egy blogger számára sem.

Rendelkezésemre áll: heti pár óra valamelyik brit város számítógépeire kattanva, egy offline, ám magyarul is igen patent billentyűzet, valamint jó pár izgalmas, unalmas, édes, borzalmas, ám valamilyen szinten szórakoztató gondolat. Netrehányásra várva. Hiányzott már.

Tl;dr Microwave Jellyfish'd ENG version: in this very place, the Great Mindstingers' legacy shall live on, lovingly ripping off his favorite band's maiden name - and the posts got bilingual!