Music You Will Never Own: JJ&E Xtend[r]ed[d]

Last year's Dredd was such a disastrous undeserved box office flop, I have to buy a full-price BD copy. As a nerd who knows his duty, I'd advise every living soul on the planet to do the same, first, because it could redeem itself as a home video hit the same way Batman Begins did, and second, because it's a cool movie.

Think of a gritty, down to earth 2000 AD story, put it in The Raid's Die Hard's one place settings with the toned down, it's-almost-like-today futurism of the X-men movies for budgetary reasons, add a few glimpses of gimmicky 3D to the mix and you've got a nice little action flick with Karl Urban being cooler than anyone in the current cobwebbed Expendables cast. And although I hated Lena Headey as Sarah Connor, judging from this movie, she could easily take on the role of Ellen Ripley, but now I'm really drifting into theoretical off-topic waters here.

It's a shame that Paul Leonard-Morgan's score was mixed so low in most of the scenes, the same way Piranha killed its soundtrack in 2010: I was having a ball listening to the OST album for half a year before I finally got to see the movie (don't judge me for this: I lived in two countries during the last six months, and Dredd wasn't released in neither of them during my stay), and hardly hearing anything from the music I've loved so much was kind of a letdown. It's hard-hitting, kick-ass "John Carpenter meets pre-2000 style NIN" electro-industrial stuff, cool, violent, but melodic, with the just the right amount of tongue-in-cheek attitude, and best of all, it's repetitive as hell, which makes it awesome for workouts.

My favorite track is the almost feelgood "Judge, Jury and Executioner," originally about 2 minutes in length, but here you can listen to a looped to death 5:33 version. (vimeo mirror)

You can also take it with you by clicking here (MP3, 320kbps, 12,6 MB). Do some push-ups or cardio work while playing it, you'll feel like one badass mofo.

Music You Will Never Own: 'Return of the Killer Tomatoes!' (1988) Original Soundtrack

The theme song still remains the same, the plot itself has hardly changed, we hear during the opening credits, but nevertheless, the second installment in John De Bello's campy Killer Tomatoes quadrilogy (yup, there's four movies and even a cartoon show) is arguably a huge improvement over the original, usually the most beloved among tomato fans, partly thanks to the awesome soundtrack.

And yes, this is the one starring George Clooney. Among others.

There's many catchy little tracks besides the updated to the '80s theme song (you can find the full list on IMDb), right now I'll mention only two favorites of mine.

1; Big Breasted Girls Go To The Beach And Take Their Tops Off

Like poetry in motion, like a perfect wave / Gonna ride with the wind and spend the money I saved, you gotta love a song with lyrics like that. Featured in the fake sexploitation opening, reprised during the end credits as Big Breasted Tomatoes.

I wish Dexter and co. had ripped off parodied something similar instead of Katy Perry. Pseudo-dumb feelgood beach tunes hardly get any better than this one.

2; Tomatoes K, or the detective tune

Calling it that because of the obvious influence of Axel F, the Beverley Hills Cop theme. Here's two scenes featuring this synthpop germ, among Clooney, Steve Lindquist, John Astin, and last but not least, Anthony Starke. Man, I love that guy.

I could listen to that song for hours while stalking people, running around in gardens, or riding some expensive Honda quad. And drinking Pepsi, of course. This music is basically the essence of '80s pop culture, in it's brightest, cheesiest, very best form. Just like the movie itself.

But if this film does well, you see / we're sure you know predictably / it won't be long... until Part Three! Sadly, it didn't do well. Return of the Killer Tomatoes! was a huge, undeserved flop and - Neal Fox, one of the composers has confirmed this - a soundtrack release was out of question.

Some years ago I came across a Big Breasted Girls fan cover, which could still be floating around on the web, but there's no way I could track it down with this restricted library connection. It's a pity, really.

Maybe Someday soon if I keep prayin' a bootleg will turn up. If You, Dear Reader have any information about such an outrageous copyright-rape, please don't hesitate to inform me about it. A lot of us would appreciate it.

Music You Will Never Own: 'Takes You Alive'

Introducing a new kind of post breed here, one that's going to be all about good songs or soundtracks you (or just me) would probably kill to own in your collection, but you can't, simply because they are unreleased, lost, or really freakin' limited and expensive. Ofthen without a proper copyright beholder. Mostly stuff from commercials or movies. I'll provide a sample or a bootleg when I'm able to.

Starting today with a nice little pop-rock song "Takes You Alive" by (I guess) Californian band Station Victoria. It was featured in several low-budget movies by Nu Image (a company with a filmography not quite as horrible as SyFy originals or The Asylum films), most noticeably in Crocodile (2000), a teen comedy filled with CGI reptiles and strawberry juice, from the director of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

I think I've heard it once during a beach scene in Shark Zone (painful flick edited from archived scenes of the Shark Attack series, which has been put together mostly from stock footage from several shark documentaries to begin with), too.

Anyway, here's probably half of the song, ripped out from the end credits of Crocodile. Enjoy:

Click here in case YT killed it.

MP3 link (320 kbps, 7,3 MB)