R.I.P. Max Payne

I effin' love Max Payne. He's the ultimate badass of the "realistic" part of video game world, a character built up by the most overused detective movie clichés, who operates not just with bullet shower from a wide range of guns, but also a handful of cynical one-liners you gotta love.

Never mind the the awfully mediocre Hollywood transition with Marky Mark - Max Payne 1 & 2 still remain the pioneers and remembered classics of the third person shooter/action genre. They have cheeky humour in contrast of the usually dark, moody storylines, adrenaline pumping action scenes, simple, but addictive and cool music tunes, and from a historical point of view, the very first gameplay usage of the so-called bullet time effect. I could list hundreds of other reasons, but right now I'm just going to ask your trust if you haven't tried these games. In a nutshell: Max Payne kicks ass.

Well said, kid.

Now, what can you do if you have a franchise this good? Yup, you have to ruin the whole thing. Max Payne 3 is coming soon, which would be awesome news for us, fans, but. Quoting from Wikipedia:

This is the first game in the series not to be developed by Finnish game developer Remedy Entertainment and not being written by series creator Sam Lake.

Say whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa'? Sam was the soul of the whole thing, even Max's appearance was designed after him in the first game. So how come not he's doing it? The game's release date was pushed back several times, and people are starting to realize that without the Finns, it may suck. Hard.

Now, the good news: last week Remedy's Alan Wake was released, a survival horror-TPS game, also written by Sam. Thanks to TFYM I had the pleasure to play with it, and I gotta tell you, it's friggin' awesome. Like a twisted Stephen King book, set on the location of Twin Peaks. I'm encouraging all my readers to check it out, and I won't spoil much of it, except for one certain thing. During the gameplay chapters you'll find manuscripts for a novel, and there's two pages written about - you guessed it - Max Payne, read by James McCaffrey, the guy who did Max's voice in the first two games. You can hear them in the first minutes of this video:

Yes, seems like Max's brain is spilled out on snow, and he's ready to join his dead family, finally. I have a feeling this is how Sam gives his opinion about the third game. Don't worry fans, it doesn't matter - Max is dead, actually, dead for good. And, coming from the series' creator/writer, I'd list this as canon, no matter how Payne3 will end up after all.

Well, goodbye, Max. Your suicide didn't disappoint us, it fits you. I hope you find your loved ones, and peace, eventually.

:(

All I Wanted Was a Pepsi!

So I'm twenty years old today. Do you know what that means? Do you? Do you?

Yes, it means I'm no longer a teenager. I have to change my signature on a forum, these lines:

98% of teens would be dead if Twilight said breathing wasn't cool. Post this if you are a part of the 2% laughing.

I'm no longer part of that 2%. I'm no longer a teen. And if I'm feeling low, mad, angry at the world, it's not justified because I'm adolescent. Oh gawd, how I miss doing rants like this already:

Time to grow up, eh?

Boobs and Blood

Have you seen the new trailer for Alex Aja's Piranha 3-D? You really should check it out:

That Ripley-ish face when one of the CGI fish screams (!) at the girl, whoa - I think I'm in love with Jessica Szohr. Seriously.

The film is basically a remake of the original 1978 Piranha, the JAWS-parody by Joe Dante. Unlike its sequel, The Spawning/Flying Killers (James Cameron's first movie) and the 1995 TV remake by Roger Corman, this new version won't avoid humour, which is a good thing. People who already trash it, they just don't get the joke, I think.

This is tongue in cheek, a b movie, the kind that doesn't even tries to look anything other than that. Dumb, silly fun with naked chicks, bloodbath, roaring cartoon fish, and A-list actors saying and doing cheesy things. Notice how Christopher Lloyd uses his Doc Brown-voice to emphasize the line "THIS particular piranha VANISHED two million YEARS ago...", while Richard Dreyfuss is dressed as the character he played 35 years ago in JAWS. Should I mention that allegedly there's a nearly 30 minutes long massacre scene? Throw any objective POV out of the window, I already friggin' love this movie.

Someday I will say something clever about the real life "it's funny when horrible things happen" scenarios. Now I'm just hyping my most anticipated movie of the year. Spring break is gone, but summer's almost here. Stay out of the water, kids.

Second thought, don't do it. Stay in water, kids. I wanna see sexy teenage girls getting torn apart, and I wanna see it now!

PS: Yesterday I made an account on of the most useless community sites, you can check out what's up with me there.